Thirteen: Scenes From a Marriage
by araviis
Summary: The effects of love on life.


**_cross-posting my existing work from ao3:_**

 _How often does a fanfic writer say "this was inspired by church"? Anyway, I made it through the whole Josh/Donna tag here and am navigating the recesses of_ _livejournal, but there doesn't seem to be enough fic out there, so I thought I'd add to the conglomerate. Also, I'm new to this fandom, so: Hi! Please tell me what you like and don't like. Feedback gives me life._

 _one_. _2008_

"Donna?"

"Hey," Donna sighed through the phone, "I'm sorry."

Josh looked at his watch - it was after nine. "You still can't get away?"

"I'm going to be a couple more hours. I'm so sorry, Josh."

"I just wanted to spend some time with you. You _promised_."

It had only been a week since their four-day honeymoon, but Josh had worked eighteen-hour days ever since, trying to catch up with all the work he'd missed. Donna hadn't managed much better, and so he'd barely seen his wife at all. And now they'd finally been able to arrange for enough time for each other, and she wasn't here?

"I know. I know I did, and please, don't think I wasn't looking forward to this just as much as you were, but this is urgent and I have to deal with it. I wish I could be there with you."

He looked despondently at the table. He'd worked so hard to make this special - he'd hoped there would be time to enjoy the magic of being newlyweds for a little longer, but with the jobs they had, how could they? But he'd finished work by half-past six and cooked himself, a feat he hadn't properly made time for since he proposed, and when he really put his mind to it Josh was quite capable of a delicious, romantic meal. There was white wine, there were red roses, and the Lyman Special salmon dinner was to die for. Donna had _known_ he was going to do something special tonight. He'd asked her to clear her evening.

He supposed he'd cancelled on her like this more than a few times in their relationship.

"It's okay," he said, "I understand, Donna. It happens."

"Yeah," she murmured. "Josh - why don't you get some sleep? I know you need it. It's Saturday tomorrow, I'm sure Anna can clear you an hour from your schedule. I'll take you out to lunch, okay?"

"Alright." He felt a little childish going to bed at twenty past nine, but Donna was right; he was exhausted, and without her there, what was to keep him up? "Text me when you're leaving, okay? I'll leave your dinner warmed up, and there's wine in the fridge." He grabbed the plates and headed to the kitchen, switching the oven back on to a low heat.

"That's very sweet of you. I'll be home as soon as I can. I love you."

"Love you too. Don't work too hard."

"Okay," she said, and he could hear her smiling. "Bye."

He rubbed his eyes and turned towards bed, stopping for a second to step into the dining room and take a couple of roses from the vase. He filled a glass with water and stuck the roses inside, carrying them with him to the bedroom and leaving them on her bedside. He suspected there would be much more of this over the rest of their lives, on both sides, and they would try again tomorrow.

 _love is patient._

 _two. 2009_

"Josh?" Donna rapped gently on the door to his office, smiling as he glanced absently in her direction, and then smiled slowly, nodding her into the room and holding up one finger.

"Ambassador, please excuse me. I'm late for a meeting with the Joint Chiefs." He let the Ambassador to Portugal say his farewells, and hung up, turning to his wife with a grin. "Hi."

"Hi," she sighed, handing him one of the two coffees in her hand and settling into his visitor's chair. "You were gone before I woke up this morning."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's been a rough couple of days."

"I know. It's okay, I just wanted to make sure you stopped for a few minutes today."

He half-stood to lean over the desk and kiss her. "Okay, this isn't working. I clearly need a second seat back here. I don't like having you all the way over there."

She grinned at him. "You're changing your office for me? Joshua! Are we going steady?"

"I married you."

"I noticed." She glanced pointedly at his ring and he followed her gaze.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"You brought me coffee."

"You make it sound like I split the atom."

"You never bring me coffee. I've asked and asked and asked, and you always laughed at me. Last time was - well. Right after we…"

She laughed.

"Like that! See?" he complained. "You laughed at me. What's so special about today?"

"Nothing in particular," she said, sipping slowly. "Oh, come on, Josh. When you were my boss it was demeaning. But now things are different. You're my husband. I like doing things for you just because I can."

"You brought me coffee just to bring me coffee?"

"Because I love you very much, and because when I went to get myself a coffee on the way in I thought to myself, what are the chances Josh had breakfast before he came in? Of course I brought you coffee. Brought you a bagel, too." She produced a paper bag from her purse and placed it in front of him. "You left without eating this morning, didn't you?"

"You're amazing." Josh stood up again, to lean over and kiss her. He bumped into the desk. "Next time, Donna?" he mumbled between kisses. "Just come right over here and sit on top of me."

 _love is kind._

 _three. 2011_

Donna paced anxiously around her office. "Ben?" she called out.

"He's on his way, Donna," Ben promised, just his head poking through the door. "He'll be here any minute."

"Okay," she sighed. "Thanks."

"You okay, boss?"

"Fine," she said, forcing a smile at him. It spread, just a little, when Josh appeared behind him, looking a little nervous. "Thanks, Ben." Her assistant disappeared, nudging Josh inside and closing the door.

He crossed over to her at once, concern evident on his face. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Joseph came to see me this morning."

"Joseph…?"

"Joseph Waterland."

"From the D-triple-C?" She nodded. "What did he want?"

"He wants me to run for Congress."

Josh suddenly went very still. Donna found herself mirroring him.

"Congress," Josh repeated.

"Yeah." She smiled nervously. "What do you think?"

"Well, I - I mean - what do _you_ think?"

She knew this was something Josh had been considering for himself, even if he'd never said so. He had far more experience than she did, and if she ran, there would always be people assuming he was pulling her strings. He would be getting all of the stigma, and none of the reward. He would - he _must_ resent her for this. He deserved it for himself.

"Donna?"

"I don't know," she said, looking away from him. "I mean - it should be you. I don't know why they came to me."

"Donna." He took her hands and tugged her to face him again, and brushed her chin with his knuckle. "They came to you because they want you. Because you'd be great. Forget about me for a minute - do you want to?"

"My kingdom for 'forget about me for a minute' in writing."

"Donna."

"I don't know - I guess I'd like the chance to do a little more good. I just don't know why they'd think I'm qualified. Voters wouldn't put their confidence in me."

"I think you're underestimating the voters."

She tried for a teasing grin. "I thought that was impossible."

"So did I, and yet here you are, redefining the word. Donna, look what you've achieved the last five years. You've got your degree, and your Master's, you've turned a reluctant First Lady into a political powerhouse, and we'd never have won re-election without all your hard work and insights. You're great at this. The press loves you - the voters love you. You care about politics because it affects real people, and you have the kindest heart I've ever known. Congress needs people like you."

Tears swimming in her eyes, she held tightly onto his hands. "And you don't - I don't know, you don't - don't resent me, or anything? This offer could have come to you. I know you've considered running for office."

"Hey, I've got other plans. Getting Sam into the Oval, for example. Right now?" He kissed her forehead tenderly. "If you want this, I'm behind you every step."

 _it does not envy._

 _four. 2013_

"Joshua Lyman."

The words, spoken from his doorway, were icy cold. Josh stood on reflex, moved across the room to close the door - glaring Anna into stepping away - and turned back to Donna. "I know."

"I can't believe you killed my bill."

"I know. Come here, give me your coat. Have a seat."

"Have a _seat_? Josh, I'm not a stranger. Don't talk to me like that."

He took her coat from her shoulders and hung it up, then led her to the couch away from the door. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so - I don't know, so condescending. Look, I know I screwed you over-"

"You think? I really need you to not go behind my back on these things. I'm not just some freshman with no political capital."

"No, you've got capital - but you are a freshman. I'm sorry. I know this stinks. That's Congress - you knew what you were getting into."

"I didn't think you'd be the one to screw me over."

"Would you rather I farmed it out to Sam or Lou?"

"No, but you might have discussed it with me. Everyone in Washington thinks our marriage makes me weak. You undermined me."

Josh looked away for a second. Had he? He really didn't think he had, and he hoped he would know, at least in hindsight. And Donna - she'd learned a lot in a short space of time, but she was still relatively new at this.

"Everyone in Washington thinks our marriage makes _me_ weak," he said. "Donna, I would love to give you every bill you fight for. I know you've got better motives than everybody out there. This one? It's a really great thing to do with political power, if we could only achieve it. But you know why we can't. If the bill's got merit - I'm not talking about decency or kindness or compassion or any of those wonderful things that drive you, I'm talking about political balance. If I'd take the bill from any other friendly Congressperson, say, Andy Wyatt - then I can take it from you. But if I wouldn't… if I took a bill just because it was from you, that's what makes us both look weak. And it's something we _should_ fight each other on. It's how this government works. And I don't mean to be patronising, I really don't, I know you understand this probably better than I do - but I'm not undermining you. You're just not getting special treatment from the White House, and I know you don't want it."

He paused there to examine her face. She took the chance to jump in. "I don't. It's just - it seems like you're overcorrecting a little bit there."

"I swear I'm not. We're just - we'll fight on bills sometimes. And that's different from a lot of Congress, because you care a whole lot more. But sometimes you'll win and sometimes I will. I won today, that's all. It's not against you. It's just part of the process."

"Okay. You're right. You won today. You should - you should be proud of that."

"It had to be done, Donna, I'm not proud of it. I'm proud of _you_."

 _it does not boast, it is not proud._

 _five. 2015_

"I have something to tell you guys." That was the sing-song voice of Arabella Moss, ready to lord something new over her sister. Josh smiled at Bella, humouring her, and rested his hand comfortably on Donna's leg. He suspected the hours in a cramped plane had given her trouble. Donna watched him for a second, and then squeezed his hand, leaning comfortably against his arm.

"Bryce and I are having a baby," Bella announced. She grinned at them expectantly.

Donna lit up, if you were to only look at her face, but her grip on Josh's hand tightened. He flipped it in her grasp as she expressed her delight, and interlaced their fingers. He let out a "congratulations" that probably sounded pretty weak, and Bella looked at him with abject confusion for a moment, before snapping her fingers as if she'd solved a puzzle.

"You must be exhausted," she said.

"Yeah," Donna acknowledged, leaning back on his shoulder. "It was a long day."

"I guess I should let you guys get some rest," Bella suggested, slumping just a little in her seat before jumping up. "Come on, I've put you upstairs. This way."

She led them up two flights of stairs - not, incidentally, noticing Donna's slight limp - and showed them to their room, vanishing swiftly and leaving them to themselves.

As soon as Bella was gone, Donna sat down on the bed, and Josh tossed away the bags, dropping down beside her.

"She's pregnant," Donna said calmly. Josh knew that calmness all too well. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. She turned into the embrace, and buried her face in his neck.

"We'll get there," he said, and kissed her hair.

Donna nodded, forcing a smile that was almost successfully sunny, and tore herself away. "It's been a long day," she said, a little too quickly, "we should get ready for bed."

"Okay," he said, and mirrored her movements as they changed in silence. Seeing Bella always made Donna feel this way. He knew she loved her sister very much, and she always wanted to see her, but she inevitably was left feeling inadequate - and now there was another thing Arabella had that Donnatella did not. And Bella, just like always, was entirely oblivious to Donna's feelings.

He climbed into the bed, and she followed, her leg stretching out away from him, but the rest of her seeking him out. "It's good to see her, though," she mumbled drowsily, and he only nodded, holding her carefully and settling into her warmth. Her breathing evened out in minutes.

He never did understand how she could seek Bella out despite everything. He'd tried to tell her, countless times, even back in the early days when she was just his assistant he'd tried to tell her that she deserved to be treated better than that. But she was insistent on holding onto her family, and he guessed that made it his family too, and if Bella was his sister he would have to accept that. Besides - he knew he'd endure any amount of inferiority to spend an hour with his own older sister. Arabella didn't mean to make Donna feel small. And he was there to remind her that she never had been. Even though he wanted to hate her, he could like his sister-in-law for a long weekend for the sake of his wife.

 _it does not dishonour others._

 _six. 2018_

"Josh?"

Josh's head jerked up from his desk and he froze at seeing Donna before him. "What are you doing here?" The words came out harshly, but he couldn't entirely bring himself to care.

"Sam called me. Come on, let's take a walk." She was speaking very gently, like she was afraid of breaking him.

"We call him the President-elect in this building, you know."

"You and I call him our friend, who cares about us very much, and who is worried about you. Come on, Josh."

He heaved himself out of the chair and took her arm. He was still trembling a little, God, that was embarrassing. Still - she held onto him, and led him out of the building, into Lafayette Park, so that nobody on the staff but his Secret Service detail would bear witness to their conversation.

She didn't say a word as they walked, just held on, and let him gather himself.

"I had an episode this morning," he said. She squeezed his arm gently, but didn't speak. It took him another short while to find the words. "We were going over emergency procedures, you know, for Daisy and the kids, and someone brought up the canopy at Rosslyn…" He was shaking again. Donna guided him to a bench and sat him down, running her hands up and down his arms soothingly. "I don't normally react like this," he said. "It's been twenty years. I'm used to it. It's on TV all the time, especially with the campaign, I don't react like this."

"You've been working harder than ever," she reminded him. "And, honey, you're not as young as you used to be. It's all more real when you're talking about the possibility it could happen to you again, or your best friend, or your families. It's okay, it's perfectly understandable."

He sniffed, and took hold of her hand. "You're right. But I can't - I can't pretend like it's not a big deal, can I? I've got to get help."

"Josh, I think that's the best thing you could possibly do." She lifted his hand to kiss it, and he froze once again in her hold.

"You're crying," he said, horrified.

"I don't like to see you like this," she answered, smiling through streaming, but silent tears. "Don't worry about me. I'm so relieved you're getting help - and you'll do the job better for it."

"How long have you been crying?"

Donna laughed. "Since Sam called. You scared me, Josh." She looked away and rested her head on his shoulder, staring ahead. "I know how important this is to you. You and Sam have always been heading for this, and you deserve it, but I thought you'd want to pretend you were fine. You're going to do so much better in this than if you'd ignored it. I'm proud of you."

"I didn't even notice," he whispered. "I didn't notice you were crying."

She turned her head in to place a soft kiss on his shoulder. "It's okay. Given - given everything, Josh, it's okay."

"I scared you. I'm so sorry, Donna. I don't want…" he trailed off. Pulling himself together was getting harder. He was becoming an old man, and that was fine, but to do this to Donna? "I'm not going to take the job."

"What?" She sat up and stared at him.

"I can't do it. Sam needs someone who can do more than I can right now. I need to take better care of myself, and you - I _scared_ you. I have to do better by you."

"There are other ways to do that. I don't want you to give up everything you've wanted - you and Sam have been planning this for years. I don't want you to give it up just so I'll worry less. Please don't do that."

He did love her so very much.

"I don't want to think only about me any more. You said it: I'm not as young as I once was. And I've never taken good care of myself, not really. I've not got so many years left. And I want to spend them doing right by you. I don't want to leave you any sooner than I have to."

"Josh…"

Tears were swimming in her eyes again. They'd spoken of this occasionally, and it was upsetting for her, but it was better, they both agreed, not to ignore what was hanging over their heads. He pulled her into a hug and pressed soft kisses to her neck and jaw.

"It's us," he said, "I don't want to live like it's just for me any more. Let me make it for you."

 _it is not self-seeking._

 _seven. 2019_

"Josh?" Donna kicked the front door closed behind her and headed for the kitchen, depositing armfuls of Chinese food onto the table. "I'm home. You hungry?"

"Hang on." He emerged from the living room a few moments later, and she frowned at him.

"Did you even get dressed today?"

"Guess I lost track of time," he smiled, running a hand through his hair. "How was your day?"

"Long," she sighed, going to the cabinet for plates while he started to unpack the food. "I wanted to meet you for lunch, but I couldn't get through when I tried to call."

"I'm sorry. I think I slept late."

"You're doing a lot of that lately."

"I said I was sorry, Donna."

She took a breath. Being at home all the time was hard on him. "I know. I'm not criticising, I just-"

"You worry."

She smiled. "Yeah."

He sat down at the kitchen table and reached for his plate. Donna quirked an eyebrow at him.

"We're not eating in the living room? There's that movie on tonight I wanted to watch."

"No, come on, let's eat here. Forget the movie. Tell me about your day." He was wearing that disarming smile, but something didn't feel right.

"Let's go sit on the couch, either way. Cuddle up while we talk, it'll be more comfortable." She leaned a little on her bad leg and winced, watching carefully for his reaction. He looked anxious.

"Better yet, we could go to bed."

"Josh, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You - you're hiding something from me, Josh, what is this?"

"I'm not."

She stared at him. "You've never lied to me before."

"Donna, I swear, I'm not. It's just - I left the living room in a bit of a mess, okay, that's all. I wanted to tidy it up before you got home. I didn't realise how late it was."

He was _lying_ to her. How could he - he hadn't ever done that before, not once. She'd seen him lie and lie well for years in his political career, and she knew the signs, but this - he didn't seem to even be really trying to hide it.

What in the world was happening in that head of his?

"Look, I'm not going to be mad, or upset, or anything, but please tell me why you don't want me to go in there. You're worrying me."

He looked down at his lap and mumbled, "It's just a mess, is all."

She stood, and leaned down to kiss the top of his head, and walked to the living room.

Well, it _was_ a mess - but so far beyond that it broke her heart. It looked like a bomb had hit the place. There were blankets on the couch and floor, piled up; mugs and plates and food packets everywhere, and God, it _smelled_.

When was the last time she'd been in here? There had been a lot of long days recently; she'd gone to bed straight after work most nights, enticed by her own weariness or Josh's teasing. It might have even been a week.

Behind her, she heard a small cough. She turned around and walked back to Josh, coming to a stop right in front of him, softening at the awful look on his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I - it's not a big deal. I'm just adjusting to having, you know, time. It's not a big deal."

"This is a big deal, Josh." Her voice was wavering.

"Listen, I know you're angry…"

"Of course not. No, honey, I'm not angry with you." He looked small and scared and so completely unlike Josh that she felt like she could cry. Instead she threw her arms around him and held him tight. He curled into her, going very still, and she thought she felt tears soaking into her shirt.

She _was_ angry - angry at herself, really, for not noticing sooner. Josh had left his job for her, and now he was stuck at home with nothing to occupy himself, and she wondered if it didn't still feel a little like Rosslyn. After Rosslyn. And she was angry at the PTSD that did this to him, and whatever else it was - depression? - all the demons she was now determined to fight away so she could keep him safe.

And a little bit, yes, a little bit angry with him. He'd hidden from her. They didn't do that.

"Honey, I want you to promise me you'll get some help," she whispered, gently stroking his hair.

He didn't say anything, but she felt him nod beneath her fingers. "It's going to be okay," she said, turning her face to kiss his jaw. "It'll be fine. We're going to be okay."

 _it is not easily angered._

 _eight. 2022_

"Hey, Donna?"

Donna smiled when Josh appeared in her doorway, and beckoned him in. He handed her one of the coffees in his hand and leaned across her desk to kiss her.

"How was the meeting? Did we get the sale?"

"Uh, no," he said, attempting a sheepish smile. The process of selling their house was proving more complicated than they'd anticipated, and not least because it was him, and not Donna, trying to schmooze potential buyers.

"No? They seemed so interested! What happened?"

"Uh. There's a possibility that I may have yelled at them."

" _Joshua_!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"How - how the _hell_ do you - I mean, I know, this is you, this happens all the time, right? But how the hell do you _accidentally_ yell at the buyer of our dreams?"

"She criticised your education initiative!"

Donna gaped at him for a second and burst out laughing. "She did _what_?"

"She said - oh, God, what have I done?" He dissolved into laughter after her. "The education initiative. Where in hell did I get the idea that was a reason to-"

"It was very sweet of you to step in and defend my honour like that."

"Yeah, but it was stupid. You married an idiot."

"I knew that when I married you. Don't worry - we'll find another buyer."

"It's going to have to be soon. We need a place without any stairs."

"The cost of getting old," she smiled. "It is getting harder. So you screwed up. We'll get the next one."

"It seems," he said, "like I seem to do a lot of the screwing up in this marriage." Josh was grinning, but underneath it he did feel like it might be true.

"Hey! None of that." Donna stood up and walked around the desk to perch in front of him and take his hands. "Have you noticed how most of our screw-ups on either side are about protecting each other?"

He'd defended her education initiative. She'd insisted he'd be better off in a house without stairs. He'd avoided his shrink in case it hurt her last campaign - "You're right," he said. "We're idiots, but our hearts are in the right place."

"Yes they are. Now, I've got a free hour before my meeting with Otto. Come on - you can buy me lunch."

 _it keeps no record of wrongs._

 _nine. 2025_

Donna scrambled anxiously through her desk, searching even though she knew it must be gone.

Josh would be so upset. Oh, he wouldn't be angry with her, they were generally past that by this point in their marriage, but his mother had left her those earrings, and it meant so much to him that she wore them for special occasions. And when you were married to Josh Lyman, there were quite a few special occasions in your life.

He'd loved his mother so much. So had she. And the earrings meant a lot to him. He'd forgive her - but how could she do that to him?

"Hey, Donna?"

She glanced up and smiled. "I can't find them."

"I don't know if it's any good to you, but there's an identical set on eBay."

"Someone's selling my mother-in-law's earrings on eBay?" she demanded, getting up quickly enough to throw a sharp pain into her knee.

"It's not the same ones. They've been on sale too long," Ben said, "but it's something."

"Are you suggesting I lie to Josh?" For an insane second, it didn't seem like such a bad idea. Josh would never know - and she really didn't want to upset him; his health wasn't at its best just now. But the idea lost its value quickly. She hadn't lied to him since Jack Reese.

"Of course not. Hey, I like Josh as much as you do - well, okay, probably not quite that much, but if you're really worried about upsetting him…"

"Buy them," she said. "And clear me half an hour as soon as you can get it, would you?"

"You can have half an hour now," Ben yelled from his desk after a moment. "The earrings are already at three thousand dollars, you sure you want them?"

"Three _thousand_? Wait till I've talked to Josh. I don't want to be interrupted for a little while, okay?"

"You think he'll be upset?"

"They were his mother's," she said, and Ben gave her a soft smile and closed the door as she dialled.

"Hello?"

"Josh," she said quickly, "I have something to tell you."

"What's happened?" he asked, instantly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It's just - I lost your mom's earrings. I'm so sorry, honey."

Josh was silent for a long time.

"Josh?"

"You were worried about telling me that."

"I know how much they meant to you. To me, too."

"Yeah, of course they did, but - it wasn't about the earrings, Donna." She could hear the smile in his voice. "It was just the memories, and I've still got those."

"You always liked seeing me in them. I thought…"

"I liked seeing you in them because it means a hell of a lot to me that she loved you, and that you loved her, and that her memory matters to you."

"Of course it does. And I don't want you to think that losing the earrings changes that…"

"Why would it - Donna, these things happen. I know nothing's changed. You're not forgetting her."

"You're really not upset?"

"I know you were worried about it, and it's very sweet of you. But don't be. It matters far more to me that I don't have to be the only person left who remembers her. I'm glad you told me."

Josh Lyman, ladies and gentlemen. Her husband, the sweetest man alive. Was it weird to buy her husband flowers? No - he'd love it. Tonight, she was buying him flowers.

 _love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth._

 _ten. 2028_

Josh Lyman was very aware that he was getting old. He used a cane to walk now, his sixty-eight years weighing more than most people's, what with various health and stress disasters over the course of his life. Today, he had Donna leaning on him a little as well; she insisted she didn't need help walking but her leg had been steadily getting worse. Perhaps if he exaggerated his limp a little under her weight she would take the hint and start to think about taking proper care of herself. Was that a little ridiculous?

"Oh my God," she said suddenly, freezing beside him and tightening her grasp on his arm. In front of them, a car spun wildly out of control, flying into a shopfront.

All around them, people flew to action, surrounding the car, calling for help, but Donna stood stock still, her hands clamped tightly around his arm, her face ashen white.

"Hey," he said, reaching for her face with his free hand. "It's okay."

She was panting harshly, and shaking, and though she faced him, she didn't seem to see or hear him.

"Donna?"

"I can't breathe," she choked out.

"You're going to be okay," he said, forcing himself to remain calm. "I want you to focus on my voice, okay?"

She nodded.

"Good. Now, breathe with me. Nice and slow. That's it." Her breathing was slowing down alongside his, and she managed to focus in on him, looking him in the eye. She still looked frightened, but at least she was back in control a little.

"I'm going to put my hand on your arm. I want you to focus on that. Okay?" She nodded, and he moved his hand from her jaw to her shoulder, slowly running it down her arm. "Good. How do you feel?"

"Scared," she whispered. He had to strain to hear her - another side-effect of getting old - but he suddenly remembered a notebook in a hospital room, and had to quickly swallow his own fear.

"That's okay," he told her, forcing himself to keep calm. "This is scary, but you're not in danger. You're safe. Keep breathing with me - good."

He continued to coach her until her breathing got back to normal. She was still trembling, but managed to smile at him, and loosened her hold on him.

"What do you need?"

"Take me home," she said, her voice small. "And - keep me away from that."

He wrapped his arm securely around her shoulders. She leaned into him, and her shaking subsided a little. "Thank you," she sighed.

"Always."

 _it always protects._

 _eleven. 2030_

"So how's Zoey doing?"

"Hm?" Josh glanced up at Donna across the cafe table, where she was reading something on her phone. "She's good. Still making leaps and bounds in her field. Why do you ask?"

Stifling a grin, she passed the phone over to him. "Apparently you're sleeping with her."

Josh spluttered and Donna laughed. The phone was on a gossip site featuring photographs of the lunch date he'd had with Zoey and trying to make a case for a decades-long affair.

"This is ridiculous! She's married - so am I! She's like my kid sister!"

"Zoey's fifty years old, Josh."

"Which is still twenty years younger than me. Look, she had a little crush on me when she was a teenager. So what? That was decades ago! We had lunch yesterday, she told me about the work she's doing, she asked after your work and my slowly developing insanity, and that was it!"

"Journalism in this country has gone downhill since we stopped being in charge of everything," Donna declared philosophically.

"Exactly!"

She laughed. "Josh, nobody's gonna believe this. It's just cheap hacks trying to make money."

"Fine, but I wish they wouldn't do it by pushing into my marriage."

"Excuse me, sir, is this you?"

They both blinked, astonished, at a lady Josh's own age waving a newspaper at them. Who still read newspapers?

"You should be ashamed of yourself," she informed him.

"Ma'am," Donna said, drawing herself up in her seat to face her, "there's really nothing to worry about. Thanks for your concern." She offered a disarming smile, which Josh knew had venom behind it if the stranger didn't leave.

Unfortunately, not everybody could read his wife like he could.

"Sweetie," she said, "in this century we don't have to stand by our husbands when they have affairs."

"My husband isn't having an affair, and my marriage is private."

"Oh, darling, listen…"

Donna stood, with only a little difficulty, to meet the woman's eye. "Nothing happened. I'm sure you mean well, but I can do without your assumption that I'm too helpless to deal with such things myself, and I can really do without you publicly attacking my husband based on a bald-faced lie printed in the tabloids."

The woman fixed her with a final glare and disappeared.

"Well," Donna said, settling back into her seat, "that was fun. Now we have a majority I don't get much chance to rip into the ignorant."

"Donna - you've seen the photos."

She nodded absently, reaching for her coffee.

"They're pretty compromising."

"Josh Lyman!" She kicked him lightly under the table. "It's just the angle. Don't be silly, I wouldn't believe it for a second, no matter who it was. Now will you pay the bill and let's get out of here, please?"

 _always trusts._

 _twelve. 2037_

"I love having free time again," Donna sighed happily, stretching out in the seat. "What _is_ that yellow thing in the sky, anyway? It seems vaguely familiar. Like I might have seen it occasionally forty years ago."

Josh, juggling physics journals in the deckchair beside her, smiled in her direction. "Glad you're enjoying yourself."

"Aren't you?" She twisted to face him. "I know this isn't so much your thing-"

"I'm having a great time," he promised her. "It's refreshing, you know, and it really is good to see you kick back."

"We're going to have a good time with this retirement thing, you and I," she informed him. She stood and walked around to stand behind him, her hands massaging his shoulders. "The rest of our lives, we just look after ourselves."

"Mmmm," he agreed, leaning back into her hands. "It is nice to have no responsibilities."

"You're not going crazy?"

"I think that train's long since left the station."

She laughed lightly, and pressed a kiss to the back of his head.

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I think maybe we should talk."

Her hands stilled, and she sighed softly behind him. "Yeah." She fixed her deckchair so she could sit up straight and pulled it closer to Josh, sitting with him hand-in-hand.

"I don't have long left," he said. "Maybe five, ten years if I'm lucky."

Donna didn't say anything. Her thumb drew soft circles on the back of his hand.

"I'm - I've been looking back a lot. You know, I think we did pretty good."

She smiled. "Yeah, Josh. We did good. We're still doing good."

"And we're going to keep doing good for these last few years we have together. We're going to be happy."

"Yeah."

"But we should - we should have a plan. I mean, we should have a bunch of plans. I'm at the age now where things can start to go wrong. I might lose my health. I might lose my mind. Hell, I could die tomorrow. We just - you need to not be left alone. I want to make sure you're going to be okay once I'm gone."

She closed her eyes, just for a moment, and then stood, tugging lightly on his hand. "Let's take a walk," she said, and he followed without question, gripping his stick in one hand and his wife in the other. Hand in hand they walked along the beach, occasionally drawing the attention of younger people who clearly thought they were adorable. Well, he decided, they were.

"Through very little fault of your own, you've had a lot of health problems over the years," she said, "but you might have noticed that just now your mind's as sharp as ever. That's not something I'm worried about, but you know that if anything happens I'll take good care of you."

"I know you will. But I'm worried about who's going to take care of you. You'll have another twenty years on your own."

"We've got friends who love us, and we have the kids - Arabella's Sara likes me more than she does her own mother, Huck and Molly still think you're their biological uncle, and Sam's three call every week to make sure we're okay. I'd miss you like hell. You're my best friend, and I don't want to face doing this whole life thing without you. But I wouldn't be alone."

"Good. But we should still talk."

"When we get home," Donna said, "we'll sit down with a lawyer and figure out exactly what all our contingency plans are. But I don't want you worrying. We never got to have our own kids, but we're surrounded by family. So I move in with Daisy or CJ or Lou or - God forbid - I move in with Bella. However it happens, I'll be okay. But I don't want to waste time in my head in some future where you're not with me. You're here now. Let's enjoy it."

 _always hopes._

 _thirteen. 2039_

They lay in companionable silence, side by side, hand in hand. Donna had entangled their hands in such a way that she could feel his pulse pressed against her skin.

In some strange way, they had both reached the conclusion that this would be their last morning together. Their marriage had spanned thirty-three years; their friendship, forty. Now, they absorbed one another in silence.

Donna was suddenly a little unsure of how to talk with him. Up until last night, they'd been talking near constantly. Josh had always had plenty to say, and though he'd been weakening for months, looking far beyond his not-quite-eighty years, he was still every inch the young man she'd fallen for.

Donna, though, Donna was barely coming near seventy. She had another twenty years or so ahead of her. Every precious memory of Josh would carry her through them: how was she to be a widow? She'd never done it before, she didn't know the rules.

Donna had friends waiting to take care of her. Tonight, it was her responsibility to take care of Josh.

She wasn't upset, not really. Sad, of course - profoundly sad, and so was Josh, although he seemed happy to spend his last few hours just enjoying her company. She should try to get as much of him as she could now. She'd never see or hear him again after tonight. Never again touch, or smell, or taste him.

Gingerly, she shifted, and hovered above him, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. He touched her face gently as he kissed her back, and he sought out her hand to hold it close.

"You're going to keep on doing great things," he mumbled. She had to strain a little to hear him.

"It won't be so good without you."

"It'll be great," he told her. "You never needed me."

"No, I didn't, but I wanted you. I always wanted you."

"You've made my life so much better."

They'd said all these things to one another before. They knew, of course, how much they were loved, but it bore repeating.

"Donna?"

"Yeah, hon?"

"I don't think I'm going to be able to stay awake much longer."

"I know," she said, although she felt tears slipping out. "That's okay. You do what you've got to do."

"I don't want to leave you."

"It's okay."

"I love you so much, Donna."

"I love you, Josh. I really love you."

"Promise me something?"

"Whatever you like."

"Look after yourself. Do great things. Don't waste away."

"I won't, Josh. I'll keep going for you. I'll keep going."

He looked at her and sighed a little, and smiled, and he was gone.

Donna kissed her husband's lips, still warm, and wiped her wet cheeks, and wandered half-way across the room to her little desk. She would sit with him, but as she sat, there was work to be done.

 _always perseveres._


End file.
